1. |
i never learn
04:21
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i never learn, after nothing but hurt
when you open your mouth, i go silent as if
to let go of a word would deny me of health
and you flutter your eyes, dark blue in the half-light
and i shudder inside, feel a feverish fire
wild within me
you’ve shaken the earth
in this little life of mine
you’ve torn up the ground
i'm holding on for my life
i never learn that this always ends in hurt
i rip off pieces of nails, leave a trail on the floor
hear your voice carry up and careen off the walls
and i itch at the sound, i feel you so far away
rose thorns in my sides, i would claw at the door
were you on the other side
you’ve broken the dam
in this little life i lead
you’ve sent in a flood
to wash away all the warnings i didn’t heed
i will do
whatever you ask me to
when you flash those gilded eyes at me
i will do
whatever you ask me to
and you know damn well that you’ve got me
between your teeth
i never learn, no, i never learn
but i have faith that one day i’ll get sick of the burn
and i’ll turn away from all this shit for good
but until then i’ll try my best
to make the most of this unforgiving mess
i can’t turn away, no, i can’t turn away, no, no
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2. |
forest for the trees
03:54
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don’t ever know what i want
pulled in opposite directions
maybe i’ll split between the shoulders
fissure straight down the middle
each morning brings the chance of something new
but i still fall asleep irresolute
holding on to the edge of the boat
steady breaths through the vertigo
crashing waves, i’m gonna lose my stomach
take it slow, a day at a time
hold my breath, and count to twenty-five
the sun will fade to black and rise to blue
a long sleep never makes me feel renewed
can never see the forest for the trees
i’m not sure, even now, what i believe
holding on to the edge of the boat
steady breaths through the vertigo
crashing waves, i’m gonna lose my stomach
sweaty palms at the end of the rope
half a second from letting go
when my hands give out, just how far will i plummet
each morning brings the chance of something new
but i still fall asleep irresolute
can never see the forest for the trees
i’m not sure, even now, what i believe
holding on to the edge of the boat
steady breaths through the vertigo
crashing waves, i’m gonna lose my stomach
sweaty palms at the end of the rope
half a second from letting go
when my hands give out, just how far will i plummet
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3. |
golden year
04:43
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in my golden year
the light has dwindled in the trees
and much has gone to waste, i fear
there’s a rift between
who i am and who i thought
i’d be that widens every day
the day will come
when i have said all there is for me to say
when i have drained the finite bank
and i will cycle through old words
and i will ponder through old thoughts
and what will be
left for me
in my golden year
i’m supposed to figure out
who to be and where to go from here
but life has torn me down
it’s chewed me up and spit me out
and i’m running out of care to give
the day will come
when we have said all there is for us to say
when we have drained the finite bank
and we will cycle through old words
and we will ponder through old thoughts
and what but dust
is left for us
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4. |
black fire
03:45
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5. |
storming
03:36
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your eyes cloud
as you watch last night’s conquest
disappear into the dark with another
did you care
when you took her in the dark
did you want to stay there forever
you’re storming
had enough
you can’t stay with these people
and the violent slosh of your stomach
it’s storming
you are alight with thunder and rain
so low after being so high
i watch your tempest rage, rage
your darkened blues could start a fire
with a false smile
you say good-bye and crack the door
you disappear into the dark on your own
you’re storming
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6. |
morton's fork
03:05
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we’ve got hearts and muddied brains
we’ve got blood inside our veins
we search for love and run from pain
we give and we take away
for children, we wish different fates
we wait for blood and we create
we push them out and give them names
and pass on all of our mistakes
all of our choices lead
to the same violent ends
we say things that we don’t mean
we kiss and hug and fight and scream
we bleed, we hurt, we chase our dreams
and settle when we’re out of steam
all of our choices lead
to the same violent ends
i’ll burn this whole place down
i’ll burn this whole place down
the only truth i’ve found is
nothing is the way i thought it
when i was a child
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7. |
new year
04:52
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fireworks erupt outside your window
someone down the road who looks forward
to all the glory rung in at the new year
my heart is not in the same bright place
i look around at blushed bright faces
and wonder what it is i’m doing here
warm bodies clog the air with heat
parties up and down the midnight street
locked lips, locked eyes, draped arms
a sea of warm faces, touching heads
next year i’ll watch the ball drop on the far coast
and go to bed
you met me outside your front door, brought me in
hung up my coat, took me in your arms
and i swore i felt love in your grip
i swore i saw a light inside your eyes
but you’ve had your arm around someone else
my head pounds, i feel like shit
warm bodies, i swelter in the heat
make my escape onto the cold dark street
locked lips, locked eyes, draped arms
a sea of warm faces, touching heads
next year i’ll watch the ball drop on the far coast
and go to bed
next year i’ll watch the ball drop on the far coast
and go to bed
bad trip, hard hit, i wait for you outside
i stare at my phone, but you’re occupied
i’m so alone
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8. |
dreams
04:41
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girls and boys holding hands at the ice rink
pairs of straws sticking out of shared drinks
seventies songs in the air, watch you lip sync
heat from the bodies all around turns your cheeks pink
small town life, it makes my heart sink
but no one ever really cares what i think
the bad news always gets me down
i may not make it out of this town
but i’ve got enough dreams to go around, around, around
dirtbags chugging beers at the skate park
stumble back to your house when it gets dark
slumped on the curb with a joint in your left hand
stars in your eyes, got dreams of a better land
of being a better man, of being dealt a better hand
big smiles can’t help but turn to frowns
i may not make it out of this town
might start a fire and burn it down, and down, and down
i may not make it out
my wrists and legs are bound
but i'll burn this whole place down
there’s enough fire in me to go around
this town’s got me locked in a tight grip
no one ever really leaves, much as they wish
i feel the walls pressing around
i’ve got to get out of this town
i’ve got enough dreams to go around
and lately life has let me down, and down, and down
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9. |
veering
03:41
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maudlin words on thin-lined paper
half-baked invite to a rager
fight with mother, sour brother
songs that sound like every other
frozen roads and snowflake fractals
empty frames lined on the mantel
veering through the hairpin curve
how much would it take to swerve
rainy roads and stoplight blurs
veering through the hairpin curve
could i gather up the nerve
to shut my weary eyes and swerve
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10. |
settle
05:37
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adrift at sea
eternal swim
i want to leave
you help me stay
i want to leave
you help me see
i will settle into this great love
that wakes me from my sleep
i never saw you coming
and i never want to leave
you changed me
gave me a dream
i want to leave
you help me stay
i want to leave
you help me see
i will settle into this great love
that wakes me from my sleep
i never saw you coming
and i never want to leave
i will settle into this great love
and wait for you to find me
i never saw you coming
and i never want you to leave
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hayden casey
hayden casey is a musician and writer living in arizona.
his next album, ISOLA, will be released in march 2024.
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