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Endless

by hayden casey

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1.
Devotions 02:34
i can pray for a being to listen i built a life around you but i can be a needless thing i wish i could disappear
2.
Shiner 03:10
youve given me quite a shiner a gleam in the soul wont wash away everywhere i go a reminder of everywhere weve been and i miss the way you shone with me tell me we can try again for some new ending left your mark before you took your flight and now im trying sorrow on for size tell me we can try again for some new ending and im not trying to get you to fall again dont believe in the possibility i just wish i could go to a movie alone without wondering if youve seen it and i miss the way you shone with me tell me we can try again for some new ending left your mark before you took your flight and now im trying sorrow on for size tell me we can try again for some new ending
3.
Hearse 03:43
4.
Blue light 02:56
5.
Play shadow 02:21
its been a long hard couple lifetimes what i want is always gleaming just out of my reach maybe if im starving maybe if im plastered i wont think about it
6.
Island 03:14
sitting with the sting of separation forgotten how to be on my own all the unused muscles i now need to hold myself together i was a self-sufficient being a sorrowful mercurial thing till your hands found my strings and you taught me how to fall open frightened but still i surrendered ive got to be an island cant open up like this again cause i gave it all away this unrelenting silence it has never felt so strange still missing our golden days never wanted to play the game but i really thought i would win this time thought id walk away all flush-faced and vindicated now im headed into the night with my dunce cap and a pocketful of dreams given up on gonna make some bad decisions dont call me till the morning how am i supposed to recover what ive given words hang in my throat unsaid because i learned you i listened when is it too late to turn back to myself i am now losing faith in the concept of somebody else
7.
Faultline 04:30
by now youve left town your mind on the yellow lines youve left all my weight behind theres something very wrong you can feel it when youre with me a tender kind of distance i cant stop the thundering when it comes and i can barely look at you when you wear that love on your face so soft and new i just cant take it shoving down the dread for months now dont know how much longer i will make it and if i could do it over id catch myself as i fell tell myself to wait try to spare myself the pain but you surely won me over the mere mention of your name i worry im forever changed knew id need to reckon with reality someday but i wanted to put it off maintain my rituals coddle all my tender figments built a life within my fictions it isnt your fault everything is all mine
8.
Leaving 02:15
im no good at leaving i get too attached reckless in my dreaming fiction into fact tender-centered love i look at you and see a wish that i can play pretend it doesnt have to go like this what i hold onto soon will slip wish i didnt love you but i love you im no good at leaving but its for the best gave too much to the dream and i have to save whats left
9.
Rituals 02:41
i would think that id know better than to have faith in delusion till i listen to its promise feel it gilded feel it swelling and i cant excise the demon have to live alongside him he just blinks and smiles at the trouble he raises and the glow wont leave me alone i cant stop thinking thinking thinking about it not something i can summon alone ive been looking for a way to get hurt looking for something to hurt me all the love songs on the radio have lost their luster what is holding on when you can let go what is being tethered down when you can float i wont ever make you bubble like that i wont ever get you lustered like that everything i say just bounces right back youre a concrete wall im a rubber ball and i just keep tossing myself at you hoping youll look up at me crack a window open you dont see a thing blue light in your glassy eyes ive been looking for a way to get hurt looking for something to hurt me all the love songs on the radio have lost their luster i cant stop looking for ways to get hurt looking for someone to hurt me dont know when these lovelorn rituals will lose their luster
10.
Placehold 01:11
ill do your dance and ill sing your song ill hold the place till something better comes along and when you leave me where i deserve i will be waiting for you to return
11.
Looking 03:51
i could say youve been distracted if i wanted to give it a kind face i could tell myself you care beneath it all when you ask me how im doing as an afterthought but you would know if you were looking you would know if you were looking i emptied myself before you gave you every bit of me i had and you sifted through me, deemed me unworthy but im keeping this one shiny stone for myself to cling to when i dont feel seen but seen through you ask me how im doing but you would see if you were looking i should be happy that youre healing but im still here and im still broken you wonder why im half a person but you would see if you were looking
12.
Tango 04:45
im almost tired of hoping but havent quite given up just yet not done stoking this fire with my numb blue hands just another in your listless legion you take names leave a trail somehow youre the only one i cant hide from here we go again dancing this tango till the end atop all our wasted time holes have been poked in my lovely ruse the story i told to keep happy cant hold its air against the truth im never quite as warm as when im held in your gaze tailor made the way you see me at my clearest whats it matter if i try to lie and i dont want to keep you from what makes you happy but you make me happy so here we go again dancing this tango till the end atop all our wasted time here we go again here we go again

about

"Oh, the pain! Where have my far roving wanderings brought me?"
-Aeschylus, maybe, PROMETHEUS BOUND, tr. James Romm

credits

released February 11, 2022

written, recorded, produced, mixed by hayden casey
cover photograph by annie spratt

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all rights reserved

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about

hayden casey

hayden casey is a musician and writer living in arizona.
his next album, ISOLA, will be released in march 2024.

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