1. |
Devotions
02:34
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i can pray for a being to listen
i built a life around you
but i can be a needless thing
i wish i could disappear
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2. |
Shiner
03:10
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youve given me quite a shiner
a gleam in the soul wont wash away
everywhere i go a reminder
of everywhere weve been
and i miss the way you shone with me
tell me we can try again for some new ending
left your mark before you took your flight
and now im trying sorrow on for size
tell me we can try again for some new ending
and im not trying to get you to fall again
dont believe in the possibility
i just wish i could go to a movie alone
without wondering if youve seen it
and i miss the way you shone with me
tell me we can try again for some new ending
left your mark before you took your flight
and now im trying sorrow on for size
tell me we can try again for some new ending
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3. |
Hearse
03:43
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4. |
Blue light
02:56
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5. |
Play shadow
02:21
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its been a long hard couple lifetimes
what i want is always gleaming
just out of my reach
maybe if im starving
maybe if im plastered
i wont think about it
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6. |
Island
03:14
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sitting with the sting of separation
forgotten how to be on my own
all the unused muscles i now need
to hold myself together
i was a self-sufficient being
a sorrowful mercurial thing
till your hands found my strings
and you taught me how to fall open
frightened but still i surrendered
ive got to be an island
cant open up like this again
cause i gave it all away
this unrelenting silence
it has never felt so strange
still missing our golden days
never wanted to play the game
but i really thought i would win this time
thought id walk away all flush-faced and vindicated
now im headed into the night with my dunce cap
and a pocketful of dreams given up on
gonna make some bad decisions
dont call me till the morning
how am i supposed
to recover what ive given
words hang in my throat
unsaid because i learned you i listened
when is it too late
to turn back to myself
i am now losing faith
in the concept of somebody else
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7. |
Faultline
04:30
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by now youve left town
your mind on the yellow lines
youve left all my weight behind
theres something very wrong
you can feel it when youre with me
a tender kind of distance
i cant stop the thundering when it comes
and i can barely look at you
when you wear that love on your face
so soft and new i just cant take it
shoving down the dread for months now
dont know how much longer i will make it
and if i could do it over
id catch myself as i fell
tell myself to wait
try to spare myself the pain
but you surely won me over
the mere mention of your name
i worry im forever changed
knew id need to reckon with reality someday
but i wanted to put it off maintain my rituals
coddle all my tender figments
built a life within my fictions
it isnt your fault
everything is all mine
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8. |
Leaving
02:15
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im no good at leaving
i get too attached
reckless in my dreaming
fiction into fact
tender-centered love i look at you and see a wish
that i can play pretend it doesnt have to go like this
what i hold onto soon will slip
wish i didnt love you but i love you
im no good at leaving
but its for the best
gave too much to the dream
and i have to save whats left
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9. |
Rituals
02:41
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i would think that id know better
than to have faith in delusion
till i listen to its promise
feel it gilded feel it swelling
and i cant excise the demon
have to live alongside him
he just blinks and smiles
at the trouble he raises
and the glow wont leave me alone
i cant stop thinking thinking thinking about it
not something i can summon alone
ive been looking for a way to get hurt
looking for something to hurt me
all the love songs on the radio have lost their luster
what is holding on when you can let go
what is being tethered down when you can float
i wont ever make you bubble like that
i wont ever get you lustered like that
everything i say just bounces right back
youre a concrete wall im a rubber ball
and i just keep tossing myself at you hoping
youll look up at me crack a window open
you dont see a thing blue light in your glassy eyes
ive been looking for a way to get hurt
looking for something to hurt me
all the love songs on the radio have lost their luster
i cant stop looking for ways to get hurt
looking for someone to hurt me
dont know when these lovelorn rituals will lose their luster
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10. |
Placehold
01:11
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ill do your dance
and ill sing your song
ill hold the place
till something better comes along
and when you leave
me where i deserve
i will be waiting
for you to return
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11. |
Looking
03:51
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i could say youve been distracted
if i wanted to give it a kind face
i could tell myself you care beneath it all
when you ask me how im doing as an afterthought
but you would know if you were looking
you would know if you were looking
i emptied myself before you
gave you every bit of me i had
and you sifted through me, deemed me unworthy
but im keeping this one shiny stone for myself
to cling to when i dont feel seen but seen through
you ask me how im doing
but you would see if you were looking
i should be happy that youre healing
but im still here and im still broken
you wonder why im half a person
but you would see if you were looking
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12. |
Tango
04:45
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im almost tired of hoping
but havent quite given up just yet
not done stoking this fire
with my numb blue hands
just another in your listless legion
you take names leave a trail
somehow youre the only one i cant hide from
here we go again dancing this tango till the end
atop all our wasted time
holes have been poked in my lovely ruse
the story i told to keep happy cant hold its air against the truth
im never quite as warm as when im held in your gaze
tailor made
the way you see me at my clearest
whats it matter if i try to lie
and i dont want to keep you from what makes you happy
but you make me happy
so here we go again dancing this tango till the end
atop all our wasted time
here we go again here we go again
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hayden casey
hayden casey is a musician and writer living in arizona.
his next album, ISOLA, will be released in march 2024.
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