1. |
clean
04:30
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tell me again and i’ll try not to react
once i was clean how can i ever go back
you come around i hold my breath i don’t know what you’ve started
and i’m no good at coming down not until you’ve departed
i feel your heat even when you’ve turned your back
letting you go nothing prepared me for that
you come around i hold my breath i don’t know what you’ve started
and i’m no good at coming down not until you’ve departed
kill me again and i’ll try not to react
someday i will be clean and i will find my way back
you come around i hold my breath i don’t know what you’ve started
and i’m no good at coming down not until you’ve departed
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2. |
break
03:48
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i can hardly breathe when you come over me like a tidal wave
you obscure my vision make it unclear
there’s no part of me that wants you gone i want you all the time
is there something you know that i don’t
i will do all i can to keep this home
and i will carry you deep in my bones
tell me when we’re a rotten case
so i can run before it’s too late
tell me when i’m too much to take
so i can jump ship before i break
don’t want to be here alone, unwell
but i’m all i’ve got when there’s nothing left
so tell me when i’m too much to take
i cannot explain the way you’ve brought me out into the light
i have never known this kind
there’s no unlearning everything you’ve taught me in this life
even if you leave, i’m changed
i will do all i can to keep this home
and i will carry you deep in my bones
tell me when we’re a rotten case
so i can run before it’s too late
tell me when i’m too much to take
so i can jump ship before i break
don’t want to be here alone, unwell
but i’m all i’ve got when there’s nothing left
so tell me when i’m too much to take
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3. |
waves
04:03
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hot and drowsy there’s something in the air tonight
i can’t leave your spaces no matter how much i try
the slightest glow hangs around you only known to me
if only you could see yourself as i see you
but take that four-letter word keep it out of your mouth
been made a fool too many times you will never wear me down
can’t deny it there’s something in the air tonight
that washes over me when i feel your tender eyes
the slightest light hangs at the horizon only known to me
you’ll never know you’ll never see
these lovely waves devour me
but take that four-letter word keep it out of your mouth
been made a fool too many times you will never wear me down
take that four-letter word keep it out of your mouth
because someday i’ll believe it someday i’ll believe it
i’d rather be alone than the illusion of something
i’d rather be alone than face the truth of having nothing
take that four-letter word keep it out of your mouth
been made a fool too many times you will never wear me down
take that four-letter word keep it out of your mouth
because someday i’ll believe it someday i’ll believe it
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4. |
imagine
04:08
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i’ve tried to hone you out of words nothing compares
to how i feel when you’re around you’re unaware
i’ve dreamed awake these days and nights i’ve played pretend
i’ve lived a thousand lives inside my wandering head
if only we were in a different time a different place
maybe we could’ve been
you seem to understand me when i’ve lost my way
imagine what we could’ve been
you never leave me when you go you’re safe inside
the quiet confines of my mind you’re kept alive
i’ve dreamed awake for half my life where will i go
when you leave me in your past like i’ve always known
i’ll follow you anywhere that you lead me
the pain of the truth and the joy interlaced
and though i know that you won’t ever need me
and i know that you’ll leave still i want you to stay
dreaming awake
i’ll follow you anywhere that you lead me
the pain of the truth and the joy interlaced
and though i know that you won’t ever need me
and i know that you’ll leave still i want you to stay
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5. |
coast
04:32
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i’m not the one but i sure can pretend
i’m not the one but my heart’s in your hands
what kind of fool am i letting you in
i’d follow you from the land to the coast
and when you leave oh it’s you i’ll miss most
i’d follow you to the edge of the sea wondering hopelessly
it’s come to an end though it never began
i’m dreaming of you but you’re dreaming of them
and i’m not surprised
you know i’m a loser baby
face flushed and furious your hand skims my shirt
rain-soaked and shaking your eyes in the dirt
walking beside me so close that it hurts tired and curt
oil-stained and shining road rainwater ponds
you leave me lonely when they come along
has this ever been anything at all or just dreaming gone wrong?
it’s come to an end though it never began
i’m dreaming of you but you’re dreaming of them
no i’m not surprised
you know i’m a loser baby
you’ll never give in oh why can’t i see
my dreams are always getting the best of me
no love in your eyes
‘cause i’m just a loser baby
you don’t think of me i’m just a loser baby
it’s come to an end though it never began
i’m dreaming of you but you’re dreaming of them
no i’m not surprised
you know i’m a loser baby
you’ll never give in oh why can’t i see
my dreams are always getting the best of me
no love in your eyes
‘cause i’m just a loser baby
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6. |
ruins
04:40
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the bitter end tired and tense i wait for you is it all for naught
you turn away i turn the page there’s nothing here there’s nothing left
tell me what you said when i turned my head and looked away
from what i could not handle
no i wasn’t ready then but i’m ready now
tell me once again now that we’re at the bitter end
and i’ll leave you and all your traces
deep beneath the ground we’re ruined now
the charred remains of something that once burned so bright
beneath it all sometimes i still wish you’d stayed
wishes on flames never did much good
i’d give it all to have understood
tell me what you said when i turned my head and looked away
from what i could not handle
no i wasn’t ready then but i’m ready now
tell me once again now that we’re at the bitter end
and i’ll leave you and all your traces
deep beneath the ground we’re ruined now
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7. |
restless
03:42
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i’ve given you all everything i am
you took me held me close in your gentle hands
call it what you want chalk it up to chance
but try as i might i’ll never understand
how all this devotion came to be
restless in the quiet every time you leave
headlights in the dark the edge of a dream
lay my head down sink back into sleep
how you’ve come over me lost in memory when you leave
you can keep me in the dark tell me lies
but you know that i’ll be here waiting every time
leave me restless at the edge of the night
but you know that i’ll be here waiting every time
i’ve given it thought tried to give it up
every time you come back i call it luck
fill my head with poison and call it love
caustic in your words gentle in your touch
how did this devotion come to be
helpless in the quiet every time you leave
headlights in the dark the edge of a dream
back into the same nightmare never free
how you’ve come over me lose myself when you leave
you can keep me in the dark tell me lies
but you know that i’ll be here waiting every time
leave me restless at the edge of the night
but you know that i’ll be here waiting every time
you can extinguish the light leave me blind
but you know that i’ll be here waiting every time
leave me restless in the dark take your flight
but you know that i’ll be here waiting every time
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8. |
always
04:54
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i see you rounding peripheral corners
you’ll always be my favorite apparition
not used to living in silence
not having you here at the sides of my vision
waiting for you to come around even when darkness sets in
the specter wandering the halls a curse a wondrous blessing
i don’t know what i’ll become when day gives way to the night
not sure just who will emerge waiting for you to arrive
when nothing’s bringing you back from your icarian flight
but i’ll always remember you always remember your light
vestiges linger
they always crop up when i least expect them
all the coulds all the maybes
possibilities are such disarming visions
waiting for you to come around even when darkness sets in
i wake from disorienting dreams unresolved and unrested
i don’t know what i’ll become when day gives way to the night
not sure just who will emerge waiting for you to arrive
when nothing’s bringing you back from your icarian flight
but i’ll always remember you always remember your light
always remember your light
possibilities are such disarming visions
i don’t know what i’ll become when day gives way to the night
not sure just who will emerge waiting for you to arrive
when nothing’s bringing you back from your icarian flight
but if there’s one thing i know
i will always remember you
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9. |
without
05:26
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i didn’t know you’d awaken something wild when i met you
i didn’t know you’d keep me up into the night when i met you
and now i don’t know what’s going to happen to me
when we fall oh i’m so good at falling
now i don’t know who i’ll find underneath all the traces of you
how’d i have known we were going toward the storm
don’t leave me frozen here without you
i wish i’d known you’d leave me frigid and sour when i met you
i wish i’d known that i’d waste so many hours thinking of you when i met you
i would’ve turned left you behind me so fast
before i’d fallen oh i’m so good at falling
now it’s too late to separate with grace
i shoulder too much of your weight
how’d i have known we were headed into the storm
don’t leave me frozen here without you
i always want what i can’t have
to undo the damage mend the cracks
i always want what i can’t have
don’t leave me frozen here without you
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10. |
only
04:43
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after hours the sun’s long gone down
you’ve left me but you’re still around
your eyes linger but their color fades
tactile memories of your fingertips
my mind is so cruel with its tricks
it tells me i’ll never release you
and i know i should get a grip
but when i’m lying on my own
you’re the only one
it’s far too late for me to be awake
but something keeps turning in my head
fragments of words visions of reparations
things i’ll never have a chance to say
my mind is so cruel with its tricks
i see you moving in the shadows
i reach for you hard as i fight
there’s no one next to me tonight
i’m the only one
we were broken we were hopeless now i’m frozen
trying to find who i’ll become when the storm clears
i was hoping but you broke this now i’m frozen
trying to find who i’ll become when there’s no one
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11. |
i let you go
04:06
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the timing’s wrong
why do i string myself along
your heart isn’t in this
i beg for forgiveness
your shadowed form
its memory leaves me cold and worn
there’s no way to win this
no chance of forgiveness
release me from your chains
i’ll never get the time back
the time that i gave you
i let you go
the letters that form you
i lose myself in them
see them in everything
the sense of an ending
no use in pretending
release me and maybe
my eyes will lose their sorrowed gray
this love is killing me
you’re killing me you’re killing me
but you’re all that i know
who will i be without your light
i let you go
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hayden casey
hayden casey is a musician and writer living in arizona.
his next album, ISOLA, will be released in march 2024.
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