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August

by hayden casey

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snickerpuchi
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snickerpuchi Literal perfection from start to finish even after finishing listening to the album I still can't decide on a favorite track. An amazing album and so glad I found this artist Favorite track: The stand.
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1.
August 04:24
back when things were aimless i gave all of my attention to you i found you in the dark i loved you from afar saw you in the spring and noticed that your face had changed since the fall we’re always growing up always growing older i wanted to consume your thoughts like you did mine but change is in the wind and i’m in a new place and time i’d have bent over backwards for you now i’m so far removed i don’t think about you i don’t think about you in this august heat i feel the start of something new i don’t think about you i don’t think about you see you in the summer and the sun is rising warm around your shoulders something inside rings out but things are different now so far from the winter when your face was reddened from braving the storms back then you stole my breath i wanted your forever things are clearer on the other side free of scorn a wallflower shrivels and dies and is reborn i’d have bent over backwards for you now i’m so far removed i don’t think about you i don’t think about you in this august heat i feel the start of something new i don’t think about you i don’t think about you so far removed endless and blue i don’t think about you i don’t think about you so far removed violets and blues i don’t think about you i don’t think about you
2.
Running 04:23
sugar ache in my teeth cycle down the broken street eyes falling shut been running on empty heart in my throat eyes on the pavement splits always trying to clear my mind of everything and i remember the days that you used to want me remember the days you waited up for me so you could say good night before you passed out i try to forget but sometimes it haunts me the pain in your eyes the last time you saw me it doesn’t do me any good to think about now i’m running from all the things i don’t want to face i’m running from all the things i can’t bear to say nothing you can say to make this better nothing that won’t be in my head forever no way to leave this all behind and start again nothing i can do to get away from it hard as i try, it’s still here, stubborn that doesn’t mean i still won’t try to outpace and i remember the days that you used to want me remember the days you waited up for me so you could say good night before you passed out i try to forget but sometimes it haunts me the pain in your eyes the last time you saw me it doesn’t do me any good to think about now i’m running from all the things i don’t want to face i’m running from all the things i can’t bear to say have you watched me hold my breath to keep it all unsaid? it spells a certain death trying to escape my head i’m running from all the things i don’t want to face i’m running from all the things i can’t bear to say
3.
I’ve been waiting for you to figure it out nascent storm I’m trying not to bring about so much I have been trying to keep inside something in the wind, something rising up in the tide I’ve been thinking about you you’ve been keeping me up at night all these pretend words for hours tossing and turning in my sheets so hot and nervous doesn’t matter if it’s real I just need to know if you’re coming over are you coming over I’ve been waiting for you to figure me out looking for what I’ve kept always on my shoulder so much I’ve been trying to get by without so much I have felt cooped up in a burning house I’ve been thinking about you you’ve been keeping me up at night all these pretend words for hours tossing and turning in my sheets so hot and nervous doesn’t matter if it’s real I just need to know ‘cause I’ve been thinking about you you’ve occupied my days all these hours lost to dreaming all the things I want to say but clam up in the moment doesn’t matter if I’m wrong I just need to know if you’re coming over are you coming over how many times can i wait for a message how many times can i pray for a blessing how many times can i imagine what could have been how many times can i seek out your limits how many times can i make empty wishes how many times can i imagine what could have been
4.
The stand 03:36
tell me why it seems so hard to get inside your head layers of you i’ll never unfold flashbulb moments, pretty words but somehow, always, i’m in the same place as i was before i wanted to talk to you but you weren’t around and i tried and i tried and i tried and i tried to get through i stand on your doorstep but nobody’s home and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try again tell me why i’m always there beside you in the wars do i see you as a friend or something more it kills me to see you hurt but somehow, always, you’re suffering in silence through the storm i wanted to talk to you but you weren’t around and i tried and i tried and i tried and i tried to get through i stand on your doorstep but nobody’s home and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try again i’m an open book read my every page waste away with me i just want you to stay and to let me see what you hold inside so tight i’m an open book read my every page waste away with me i just want you to stay won’t you let me see what you hold inside so tight i wanted to talk to you but you weren’t around and i tried and i tried and i tried and i tried to get through i stand on your doorstep but nobody’s home and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try again
5.
To the heart 04:03
wonder what you’re thinking as you walk on by don’t meet my eyes can’t let you stray too far or you won’t come back out of my grasp how many moments have i spent trying to read you, to see through, only to come up against another wall that you built around you? how much longer can you pretend to be legible and run away at every moment that you start to slip, to come undone? i’m trying to get to the heart guard slips away after dark i’m trying to get to the heart why don’t you come around things sometimes feel empty but it’s nice to have somewhere to hide someone to confide in everything unspoken but you don’t have to shoulder it alone cell of your own making how many moments have i spent trying to find you, to get through, only to come up against another wall you put up? i’m trying to get to the heart guard slips away after dark i’m trying to get to the heart why don’t you come around i want to know who you are under the fortress surrounding you i’m trying to get to the heart why don’t you come around
6.
Tonight 03:56
7.
Afterlight 04:21
you are inescapable i tried to give up the way you make me feel but every time you’re in my line of vision i cave don’t worry, i’m not dumb enough to truly believe this could be something real i just want to be around you, have you in my space small talk and laughing to bandage the absence of something i can have all to myself tell me that you’re coming and i won’t have to be alone with all my thoughts you’re only ever around for a moment but it’s the only moment i’m living for tell me that you’re stopping by give me just a few moments of your time and when you go, i’ll hover here, eyes open wide bathing in your afterlight never been the chosen but you choose me for a minute, and that’s all right i’ll take every second that i can get by your side together in silence to stomach the violence that wrestles through me when you walk away tell me that you’re coming and i won’t have to be alone with all my thoughts you’re only ever around for a moment but it’s the only moment i’m living for tell me that you’re stopping by give me just a few moments of your time and when you go, i’ll hover here, eyes open wide bathing in your afterlight
8.
i waited for you there but only for a moment figured i wouldn’t be who you wanted to see when you opened the door i waited for your call knowing it wasn’t coming but i sat there and stared at my phone and i felt so alone waiting for it it only makes sense you’d leave me for someone better it only makes sense you’d leave me for someone great what a moment of relief when you find the inner peace that you’re given lying in the dark treasuring the heart of someone great I’m waiting for a sign that my love wasn’t wasted some kind of gratitude something to let me know i’m not completely gone before you cross the threshold take these words of forgiveness know that i’d never hold it against you for seeking out what you really want it only makes sense you’d leave me for someone better it only makes sense you’d leave me for someone great what a moment of relief when you find the inner peace that you’re given lying in the dark treasuring the heart of someone great, someone better
9.
i should have known this wasn’t meant to last hot lonely nights reflections on the past i gave you all of me gave you all my devotion you left me in the dark when you need me i won’t be there, i won’t be there when you need me i won’t be there too many hours spent in contemplation too many one-sides conversations all that remains is only shadow a darkened path that twists and narrows years lain behind us were they all for nothing took so much energy need you to give me something you didn’t say good bye you left without a warning when you come running back when you need me i won’t be there, i won’t be there when you need me i won’t be there

credits

released November 1, 2019

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hayden casey

hayden casey is a musician and writer living in arizona.
his next album, ISOLA, will be released in march 2024.

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