1. |
August
04:24
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back when things were aimless i gave all of my attention to you
i found you in the dark i loved you from afar
saw you in the spring and noticed that your face had changed since the fall
we’re always growing up always growing older
i wanted to consume your thoughts
like you did mine
but change is in the wind and i’m
in a new place and time
i’d have bent over backwards for you
now i’m so far removed
i don’t think about you
i don’t think about you
in this august heat
i feel the start of something new
i don’t think about you
i don’t think about you
see you in the summer and the sun is rising warm around your shoulders
something inside rings out but things are different now
so far from the winter when your face was reddened from braving the storms
back then you stole my breath i wanted your forever
things are clearer on the other side
free of scorn
a wallflower shrivels and dies
and is reborn
i’d have bent over backwards for you
now i’m so far removed
i don’t think about you
i don’t think about you
in this august heat
i feel the start of something new
i don’t think about you
i don’t think about you
so far removed
endless and blue
i don’t think about you
i don’t think about you
so far removed
violets and blues
i don’t think about you
i don’t think about you
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2. |
Running
04:23
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sugar ache in my teeth cycle down the broken street
eyes falling shut been running on empty
heart in my throat eyes on the pavement splits
always trying to clear my mind of everything
and i remember the days that you used to want me
remember the days you waited up for me
so you could say good night before you passed out
i try to forget but sometimes it haunts me
the pain in your eyes the last time you saw me
it doesn’t do me any good to think about now
i’m running from all the things i don’t want to face
i’m running from all the things i can’t bear to say
nothing you can say to make this better
nothing that won’t be in my head forever
no way to leave this all behind and start again
nothing i can do to get away from it
hard as i try, it’s still here, stubborn
that doesn’t mean i still won’t try to outpace
and i remember the days that you used to want me
remember the days you waited up for me
so you could say good night before you passed out
i try to forget but sometimes it haunts me
the pain in your eyes the last time you saw me
it doesn’t do me any good to think about now
i’m running from all the things i don’t want to face
i’m running from all the things i can’t bear to say
have you watched me hold my breath
to keep it all unsaid?
it spells a certain death
trying to escape my head
i’m running from all the things i don’t want to face
i’m running from all the things i can’t bear to say
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3. |
How many nights
04:00
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I’ve been waiting for you to figure it out
nascent storm I’m trying not to bring about
so much I have been trying to keep inside
something in the wind, something rising up in the tide
I’ve been thinking about you
you’ve been keeping me up at night
all these pretend words for hours
tossing and turning in my sheets
so hot and nervous
doesn’t matter if it’s real
I just need to know
if you’re coming over
are you coming over
I’ve been waiting for you to figure me out
looking for what I’ve kept always on my shoulder
so much I’ve been trying to get by without
so much I have felt cooped up in a burning house
I’ve been thinking about you
you’ve been keeping me up at night
all these pretend words for hours
tossing and turning in my sheets
so hot and nervous
doesn’t matter if it’s real
I just need to know
‘cause I’ve been thinking about you
you’ve occupied my days
all these hours lost to dreaming
all the things I want to say
but clam up in the moment
doesn’t matter if I’m wrong
I just need to know
if you’re coming over
are you coming over
how many times can i wait for a message
how many times can i pray for a blessing
how many times can i imagine what could have been
how many times can i seek out your limits
how many times can i make empty wishes
how many times can i imagine what could have been
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4. |
The stand
03:36
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tell me why it seems so hard
to get inside your head
layers of you i’ll never unfold
flashbulb moments, pretty words
but somehow, always, i’m
in the same place as i was before
i wanted to talk to you
but you weren’t around
and i tried and i tried and i tried
and i tried to get through
i stand on your doorstep
but nobody’s home
and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try
and i’ll try again
tell me why i’m always there
beside you in the wars
do i see you as a friend or something more
it kills me to see you hurt
but somehow, always, you’re
suffering in silence through the storm
i wanted to talk to you
but you weren’t around
and i tried and i tried and i tried
and i tried to get through
i stand on your doorstep
but nobody’s home
and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try
and i’ll try again
i’m an open book
read my every page
waste away with me
i just want you to stay
and to let me see
what you hold inside so tight
i’m an open book
read my every page
waste away with me
i just want you to stay
won’t you let me see
what you hold inside so tight
i wanted to talk to you
but you weren’t around
and i tried and i tried and i tried
and i tried to get through
i stand on your doorstep
but nobody’s home
and i’ll try and i’ll try and i’ll try
and i’ll try again
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5. |
To the heart
04:03
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wonder what you’re thinking
as you walk on by
don’t meet my eyes
can’t let you stray too far
or you won’t come back
out of my grasp
how many moments have i spent trying to read you, to see through, only to come up against another wall that you built around you?
how much longer can you pretend to be legible and run away at every moment that you start to slip, to come undone?
i’m trying to get to the heart
guard slips away after dark
i’m trying to get to the heart
why don’t you come around
things sometimes feel empty
but it’s nice to have somewhere to hide
someone to confide in
everything unspoken
but you don’t have to shoulder it alone
cell of your own making
how many moments have i spent trying to find you, to get through, only to come up against another wall you put up?
i’m trying to get to the heart
guard slips away after dark
i’m trying to get to the heart
why don’t you come around
i want to know who you are
under the fortress surrounding you
i’m trying to get to the heart
why don’t you come around
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6. |
Tonight
03:56
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7. |
Afterlight
04:21
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you are inescapable
i tried to give up the way you make me feel
but every time you’re in my line of vision i cave
don’t worry, i’m not dumb enough
to truly believe this could be something real
i just want to be around you, have you in my space
small talk and laughing
to bandage the absence
of something i can have all to myself
tell me that you’re coming
and i won’t have to be alone with all my thoughts
you’re only ever around for a moment
but it’s the only moment i’m living for
tell me that you’re stopping by
give me just a few moments of your time
and when you go, i’ll hover here, eyes open wide
bathing in your afterlight
never been the chosen but you choose me for a minute, and that’s all right
i’ll take every second that i can get by your side
together in silence
to stomach the violence
that wrestles through me when you walk away
tell me that you’re coming
and i won’t have to be alone with all my thoughts
you’re only ever around for a moment
but it’s the only moment i’m living for
tell me that you’re stopping by
give me just a few moments of your time
and when you go, i’ll hover here, eyes open wide
bathing in your afterlight
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8. |
Someone better
04:11
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i waited for you there
but only for a moment
figured i wouldn’t be
who you wanted to see
when you opened the door
i waited for your call
knowing it wasn’t coming
but i sat there and stared at my phone
and i felt so alone waiting for it
it only makes sense you’d leave me for someone better
it only makes sense you’d leave me for someone great
what a moment of relief
when you find the inner peace
that you’re given
lying in the dark
treasuring the heart of someone great
I’m waiting for a sign
that my love wasn’t wasted
some kind of gratitude
something to let me know i’m not completely gone
before you cross the threshold
take these words of forgiveness
know that i’d never hold it against you
for seeking out what you really want
it only makes sense you’d leave me for someone better
it only makes sense you’d leave me for someone great
what a moment of relief
when you find the inner peace
that you’re given
lying in the dark
treasuring the heart of someone great, someone better
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9. |
When you need me
05:10
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i should have known
this wasn’t meant to last
hot lonely nights
reflections on the past
i gave you all of me
gave you all my devotion
you left me in the dark
when you need me
i won’t be there, i won’t be there
when you need me
i won’t be there
too many hours spent in contemplation
too many one-sides conversations
all that remains is only shadow
a darkened path that twists and narrows
years lain behind us
were they all for nothing
took so much energy
need you to give me something
you didn’t say good bye
you left without a warning
when you come running back
when you need me
i won’t be there, i won’t be there
when you need me
i won’t be there
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hayden casey
hayden casey is a musician and writer living in arizona.
his next album, ISOLA, will be released in march 2024.
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